Chickenology Encyclopedia

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do chickens cross roads?
The most comprehensive listing on the Web (or so it should be).

W

Richard Wagner:

• The unexplained, unpenetrated cause of all these woes, who will to us disclose?

Tom Waits:

• ...and the chicken, decked out in Foster Grant wraparounds and Purina checkerboard slacks, cruised across La Cienica Boulevard in a 1959 monkey-shit-brown Buick Super, while the yellow biscuit of a buttery cue-ball moon came rolling maverick across an obsidian sky, and why? you say? Cause that's life, and that's what all the chickens say. You're one one side in April, and you're seriously run down in May ...

Wang-Wei:

• There blue fingers of the moon still play on the chickens old lute. There wind scatters clouds and comes down to flutter on its robe.

Dionne Warwick:

• Now even chickens can call for their free 10 minute reading. "Your sign is coming into the 3rd house of Peterbuilt, I see you crossing a path of some sort, there are lines on the path... umm. .... . your lucky number is 14 (click!)"

Booker T. Washington:

• To cast down its bucket where it was.

George Washington:

• I cannot tell a lie. I was going to chop it with my little axe, so it crossed the road.
• We used chickens to sniff out British sympathizers. We called the operation "chicken cacciatore".
• Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.

Art Waskow:

• At Chavurat Shalom we experimented with a chicken-free Judaism; the beginnings of modern eco-kashrut...

James Watt:

• It thought it would be a good way to let off steam.

Bill Watterson:

• The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that chickens will not cross the road... (Author Calvin & Hobbs)

Wedge (Star Wars):

• My scope shows the other side but it looks really far, are you sure you can cross it?
• I've lost both starboard engines. My fire control is out. I can't hold the chickens off any longer!

Kurt Weill:

• Chicken's sneakin' round the corner, afraid of meeting Mack the Knife.

Ezer Weizman:

• Grunt [expletive deleted]

Lou Welch (Babylon 5):

• Hey, chief! There's some bozo here asking about something about a chicken and a road?

Mae West:

• 'Cause I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Leslie Wexner:

• I'm happy to announce a new $40 million endowment to help answer this crucial question.

Jerry White:

• Why does a chicken cross the road only half-way? So she can lay it on the line.

Reggie White:

• The chicken, of all the races of poultry, is very gifted at creativity. He can take a country road and with the use of only his chickenfeet turn it into a super highway.

Arnold Whitehead:

• Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.

Walt Whitman:

• To cluck the song of itself.
• Lilacs last in the dooryard bloom'd on the other side.
• It crosses as it does, that is enough.

Simon Wiesenthal:

• To tract down perpetuators of the holocaust against chickens.

Oscar Wilde:

• This chicken problem has many depths, but all of them are equally shallow.
• There's only one way to get rid of temptation, and that's to yield to it.
• Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.

John Williams (Star Wars):

• I'll have to thoroughly research the chicken's musical background before I can compose a road-crossing theme.

Robbie Williams:

• The chicken got stars directing its fate to the next millennium.

William Carlos Williams:

• Because: so much depends upon a red wheel barrow glazed with rain water beside the white chickens
• The chicken is dead, the old bastard.
• In that great picture the chicken dances round, and go round and around, and that's how it crosses.

Flip Wilson:

• The devil made her do it.

Robert Anton Wilson:

• Because agents of the Ancient Illuminated Roosters of Cooperia were controlling it with their Orbital Mind-Control Lasers as part of their master plan to take over the world's egg production.

Lord Peter Wimsey:

• For Napolean Brandy, of course. Its all a matter of taste.

Major Charles Emerson Winchester, the Third:

• What do you two-bit quacks know about chickens? Did you learn about them in medical school, or did you just read the comic book?

Oprah Winfrey:

• To avoid mad-cow disease.

Rip Van Winkle:

• I don't know. I slept through it.

Jonathan Winters:

• It didn't. It was too chicken.

Talia Winters (Babylon 5):

Dean Witter:

• He crossed one road at a time.
• Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Dean Witter helped the chicken cross in the old-fashioned way, by earning its own way. Let us show what we can do for your chicken today!

Ludwig Wittgenstein:

• (Early) The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
• (Late) Because it had reached bedrock, and its spade was turned.
• There are indeed things that cannot be put into words. They make themselves manifest. They are what is mystical.
• What we cannot explain we must pass over in silence.

Tom Wolfe:

• Kesey, muscles rippling under his shirt, a mysterious smile on his face, surrounded by the Merry Pranksters, placed the chicken at the road's edge. The chicken paused at the edge of the road, looking this way and that, and then rending the air with a tremendous, "ba-BAAWWWWKKK!" bolted across the road, its disheveled wings flapping uselessly about, leaving a trail of feathers and dander that, whenever two-ton chromium steel, 300 horsepower tail-finned symbols of Detroit's and America's supremacy passed, would swirl in a miniature version of a cyclone like the ones Mr. and Mrs. America see on the TV news every evening when he's come home from work and she's setting the table for dinner, both only half paying attention to the cyclones that devastate Midwestern cow towns on sweltering summer afternoons. And the heat, dander, tornadoes, asphalt, tail-fins and the sweat of Mr. and Mrs. America as they move mechanically in their daily routine like the figurines in one of those huge medieval clocks on some cathedral in some European town, moving in the same way, every hour on the hour, it was all summed up by the "ba-BAAWWWWKKK!" of a scampering chicken accompanied by the "skritch, skritch" of its feet.

Stevie Wonder:

• I'm glad I'm blind and couldn't see when it was hit by a truck.

Tiger Woods:

• To get to the next green.

William Wordsworth:

• To have something to recollect in tranquility.
• To wander lonely as a cloud.

Mr. Worf:

• I do not know, Klingon chickens do NOT cross the road.
• Klingon chickens STILL do not cross roads.
• It's not a shame to fight against the stronger trucks and die.

Mary Worth:

• Have some chicken soup, dear, and tell me all about it.

Frank Lloyd Wright:

• To get a better perspective of my building.

Steven Wright:

• Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten why he crossed the road before...

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