Chickenology Encyclopedia

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do chickens cross roads?
The most comprehensive listing on the Web (or so it should be).

T

Mr. T:

• If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Rabindranath Tagore:

• On the day when the lotus bloomed, alas, the chicken's mind was straying, and the chicken knew it not. Its basket was empty and the flower remained unheeded.
  
  Only now and again a sadness fell upon the chicken, and it started up from its dream and felt a sweet trace of a strange fragrance in the south wind.
  
  That vague sweetness made its heart ache with longing and it seemed to the chicken that it was the eager breath of the summer seeking for its completion from the other side of the road.
  
  The chicken knew not then that a truck was so near.

Tarkin (Star Wars):

• The regional governors now have direct control over their chickens. Fear will keep those chickens in line... fear of getting hit by a car!
• Fear will keep the chickens in line, fear of this thoroughfare!

Tim "The Toolman" Taylor:

• This here bird'll cross that road in no time flat, now that I've made a few "special modifications! We've added the Binford 7100 Multi-Purpose power unit, which I've souped up by adding a United Aircraft PT-6 jet engine - Urrgh urrgh urrgh! Heidi, bring out the chicken, please...

Akiva Taz:

• Crossing is the correction of the ego.

Teddy Bear:

• Now tubbiness is just the thing which gets a chicken wandering.

Rav. M. Tendler:

• Of course I could answer this most simple and obvious question, but this attempt to state the most fundamental belief of Judaism through the impersonal medium of email is fraught with danger. Can I possibly prevent your erroneous and illogical deductions in this attempt to teach the Torah "while standing on one foot." In all likelihood, you couldn't understand, although I can tell you one thing. Chicken, kosher; swordfish, treif.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson:

• So that it could sail beyond the sunset.
• It is better to have crossed and lost than to never have crossed at all.

Mother Teresa:

• To feed the hungry and to give cloth to the naked.
• I see God in every chicken. When I watch the chicken cross, I feel I am watching the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience?

Old Testament:

• And rooster and hen were married. And rooster did begat chicken. And chicken did cross the road.

New Testament:

• He among you who has not crossed roads, let him cast the first egg!

Tevye:

• As the good book says, "If you cross the road to get out of the rain, its snowing on the other side."
• If I were a chicken....

Margaret Thatcher:

• Because it is the Iron Chicken of the Western World.
• There was simply no alternative!
• This chicken's not for turning.

Theodoric of York, the Medievil Barber:

• Because of an imbalance of bodily humors caused by an elf or small toad living in the chicken's stomach. What this fowl needs is a good bleeding.

Saint Thomas Aquinas:

• It was a thing of beauty done with integrity, harmony and brilliance.

Dylan Thomas:

• To not go [sic] gentle into that good night.

Hunter S. Thompson:

• Why the &*%$#@ not?
• Out of despair and fear.

Henry David Thoreau:

• To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
• To be wild and free like all good things.

Tiggr:

• Because that's what chickens do best!
• That's the wonderful thing about Chickens, Chasing Chickens is FUN FUN FUN, And the Wonderful thing about Chickens Is that when crossing streets they RUN!

Tim, the Enchanter:

• It's got wings that... and a beak that... good god man, look at the bones!

Tinman:

• The chicken wanted a heart.

Brian Tobin (premier of Newfoundland):

• It followed the cod...

J.R.R. Tolkien:

• The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow-white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough texture of the surface, over which countless tires had worked their relentless tread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name.

Thomas de Torquemada:

• Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Baal Shem Tov:

• There was once a chicken in Medzibozh...

Linda Trapp:

• She told me everything and I have the tapes to prove it.

John Travolta:

• That chick was driven by the Saturday night fever.

Deanna Troi (Star Trek):

• I feel the chicken's pain!
• It was experiencing -- GREAT PAIN -- TORMENT!
• It was running...running away from...no, escaping...oh, Captain, it was fleeing from such -pain-!
• Captain, I feel a presence out there!

Anthony Trollope:

• Why, to avoid Mrs. Proudy and Mr. Slope, of course.

Lev Trotsky:

• When crossing is necessary, one should make use of it boldly, resolutely, and right to the end. But it is as well to know the limitations; to know where to maneuver out of the way of an approaching truck.

Kilgore Trout:

• To prove the universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.

Harry S. Truman:

• She couldn't stand the heat in the kitchen.

Donald Trump:

• There are fortunes to be made over there.

Edward P. Tryon:

• In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that a chicken crossing the road is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.

Charlie the Tuna:

• To taste better, not for better taste, but never before its time...

Ted Turner:

• Chicken crossing is the most popular show on our TSN-5 Channel, easily beating high school tiddly-winks tournements.
• The chicken was originally black and white, but we colorized it.

Tuvok (Star Trek):

• That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer. It makes the junior officers nervous.

Mark Twain:

• The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
• There was things which the chicken stretched, but mainly it told the truth about the crossing. [sic]
• Ain't we got all fools in town on our side of the road? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?
• It is the dressing. There is no power without dressing. Without dressing, I would be commonplace, inconsequential.
• Did it cross the road? Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Oliver Twist:

• Please sir, can it cross some more?

Mike Tyson:

• I dunno, but that ear sure tastes like CHICKEN!

Chuang Tzu:

• The fish trap exists because of the fish; once you have caught the fish, you can forget the trap. The rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit; once you have caught the rabbit, you can forget the snare. Roads exist for chickens to cross; once the chicken has crossed you can forget the road. Where can I find a chicken who has forgotten the road so that I can have a word with him?

Sun Tzu:

• If you know the vehicles and you know the traffic pattern, you need not fear the result of a thousand crossings of the road.

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