Chickenology Encyclopedia

Intro | New | A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L
M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z

© 1995-99, Ervin Nemeth.  All rights reserved.
Republication and commercial use of our pages is expressly prohibited.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do chickens cross roads?
The most comprehensive listing on the Web (or so it should be).

S

Jonathan Sacks:

• It is impossible to answer this quesion, (or, for that matter, any other), without referring to Alasdair MacIntyre's magisterial "After Virtue" (London: Duckworth, 1981). His argument is taken further in his "Whose Justice ? Which Rationality?" (London:Duckworth, 1988) and "Three Rival Versions of Moral Enquiry" (London: Duckworth, 1990). Also of interest are his earlier works, "A Short History of Ethics" (London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1967), "Against the Self-Images of the Age" (London: Duckworth, 1971) and especially "Secularization and Moral Change" (London: OUP, 1967). MacIntyre's ideas are developed in a theological context in Stanley Hauerwas, "The Peaceable Kingdom" (London: SCM,1983). The Talmud Bavli and the London Beth Din also hold views on this question.

Carl Sagan:

• To see the billions and billions of stars.

Catherine Sakai (Babylon 5):

• Wow, Jeff... I thought you were into ducks!

Son of Sam:

• The dog told it to cross the road.

Colonel Harlan Sanders:

• I missed one?
• It Ran, Suh! I offered it a coating of 11 herbs and spices and it ran, Suh! So I shot it, Suh, shot it while it was trying to escape, suh!
• It wasn't one of our chickens. Now KFC delivers!

George Santayana:

• Animal faith.

Sappho:

• For the touch of your skin, the sweetness of your lips...
• Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair than all of Hellas' fine armies.

Sarek (Star Trek):

• Sometimes my logic fails me where chickens are concerned.

Jean-Paul Sartre:

• In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
• To impose a meaning upon her accidental existence.
• Because there was NO EXIT.

Sash!:

• The crossing was done in a mysterious time.

Michael Joseph Savage (Famous New Zealand Labour Prime Minister):

• Where we go, the chicken goes. Where we stand, the chicken stands.

Burma Save:

• Why does a chicken
  Cross the street?
  She sees a guy
  She'd like to meet
  He uses
  Burma-Shave

Francisco Scaramanga:

• We all get our jollies one way or another.

Reb Schneerson:

• I am not the chicken.

Erwin Schroedinger:

• She had to get to the farm, or did she?
• Chicken? Chicken!? Where's my cat?

Sgt. Hans Schultz:

• I saw nothing.

Michael Schumacher:

• It was an instinctive manoeuvre, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.

Arnold Schwarzenegger:

• It was going back...
• It vill be back.

Albert  Schweitzer:

• In every chicken's life, at some time, the inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by a voyage across the road. We should all be thankful for that chicken who rekindles the inner spirit.

Mr. Scott (Star Trek):

• 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain, wi' no dilithium crystals left to speak of!
• Because she couldna take much morrrrrre.

Sir Walter Scott:

• Oh, what a tangled coop it weaved, when fitst it practiced to deceive.

Ebenezer Scrooge:

• Baaaa. Humbug. It didn't cross the road.
• For chickenfeed.

Agent Dana Scully:

• There simply must be a rational, scientific explanation. Chickens don't just "cross roads."
• It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

Neddy Seagoon:

• WhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatWHAT?

Jerry Seinfeld:

• Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

Seneca:

• Nobody crosses by accident.  Crossing must be learned.
• After crossing the road there is the other side.

Dr. Seuss:

• Did the chicken cross the road?
  Did he cross it with a toad?
  Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
  but why it crossed it, I've not been told!
• Did the chicken cross the road?
  Would a chicken take a toad?
  The chicken took the load
  across the road with a toad.
• And for this Dr. Seus epic, special thanks to Chris Cracknell (ad329@freenet.hamilton.on.ca)
  
  Would you, could you cross the street
  On your two small chicken feet?
  
  I would not, could not cross the street
  On my two small chicken feet.
  Across the road I will not scram
  Even though a fowl I am.
  
  Would you cross it in Japan
  To flee Godzilla and Rodan
  
  Not in Japan
  Godzilla and Rodan
  I would not, could not cross the street
  On my two small chicken feet.
  Across the road I will not scram
  Even though a fowl I am.
  
  Would you cross the road and cluck
  And jump to avoid the speeding truck?
  
  Not with a cluck
  to avoid a truck
  Not in Japan
  Godzilla and Rodan
  I would not, could not cross the street
  On my two small chicken feet
  Across the road I will not scram
  Even though a fowl I am.
  
  Would you hop across the road
  As though you were a garden toad?
  
  Not across the road
  as though a toad
  Not with a cluck
  to avoid a truck
  Not in Japan
  Godzilla and Rodan
  I would not could not cross the street
  On my two small chicken feet.
  Across the road I will not scram
  Even though a fowl I am.
  
  Would you cross it in the night
  Lit by passing car headlight?
  
  Not in the night
  With car headlight
  Not across the road
  As though a toad
  Not with a cluck
  To avoid a truck
  Not in Japan
  Godzilla and Rodan
  I would not could not cross the street
  On my two small chicken feet.
  Across the road I will not scram
  Even though a fowl I am.
  
  Please dear chicken give it a try
  For across the road you can not fly.
  
  Alright! Alright! I'll give it a try
  For it is true, chickens can't fly.
  Hey! It's not bad, in fact it's neat!
  I truly love to cross the street.
  Across the road I LOVE to scram.
  I cross the road, a fowl I am.

Sforno:

• It is desirable that the chicken should cross the road, even in the time of the coming of the mashiach (cf. Ramban).

William Shakespeare:

• I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
• There is a willow grows aslant the brook.
• A chicken with any other name would cross the same.
• To Cross or not to cross? That is the question.
• Fair is foul and foul is fair, hover through the fog and filthy air.
• This is the road of chicken's discontent, Made ignoble abattoir by this half-ton truck... (Richard II)
• Bring me no more reports, let them fly all;
  'Til a chicken remove to other side of road
  I cannot taint with fear. What is this chicken?
  Was he not born of hen? The spirits that know
  All fowl consequences have pronounced me thus:
  "Fear not, MacNugget; no chicken that's born of hen
  Shall e'er lay beak upon thee." (Macbeth)
• If it were done, when 'tis done, then 'twere well
  It were done quickly: if the crossing
  Could scoot across the dotted line, and catch,
  Beyond passing car, sidewalk; that but these feathers
  Might be the be-all and end-all here,
  But here, at this corner of street and avenue,
  We'd cross at the light to come. (Macbeth)
• To cross, or not to cross? That is the question,
  Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
  The wheels and axles of the city's mass transit
  Or to take flight against a sea of motorists
  And by opposing, end me? To cross, to peep
  No more! And by that peep to say we end
  The chickhood and the thousand fender-shocks
  That chicken is heir to. 'Tis a perambulation
  Devoutly to be wish'd. (Hamlet)

Shaman - Hopi:

• He was following Takawee and Kowaho. It was his destiny.

Shammai:

• Typical Hillel! Comes out with complete nonsense, and everybody ends up quoting him! Life is so unfair!

Bill Shankly:

• It didn't have any education. It had to use its brains.

Burma Shave:

• Why does a chicken
  Cross the street?
  She sees a guy
  She'd like to meet
  Burma-Shave

William Shattner for Price Line:

• I knew that crossing the road would be big. Really Big!

George Bernard Shaw:

• The reason is that there are no reasons.
• Attempting to stop the chicken is an extreme form of censorship.
• Beware of the chicken whose God is on the road.

Vonda Shephard:

• The chicken questioned its soul tonight and it knew that it could shine a light to find the way back home across the road.

John Sheridan (Babylon 5):

• The last time a chicken crossed the road, I blew it straight to hell!

General Phillip Sheridan:

• The only good chicken is a fried chicken.

Sect Shinto:

• The chicken is descended from the Sun God and must be worshipped as a God. We must not ask why it crosses.

Complete Artscroll Siddur:

• Bend once when the chicken goes onto the road (bending first at the knees, bending fully as it takes its second step); bend again as it reaches the middle of the road (only a half bow); bend a third time as it nears the other side. If it gets across without being run over, say also a shehecheyanu (p358); unless the congregation is saying brochos before and after the shema, in which case no interruption, even for a brocha, is permitted. No brocha is said on yontef, rosh chodesh, or during the entire month of nissan. On erev Yom Kippur the chicken may be used for kapporos.

Danny Siegal:

• The chicken was doing a mitzvah, and so should we!

Junipero Sierra:

• To spread the word to his flock.

Bart Simpson:

• It's outta here, man!

Homer Simpson:

• ohhhhhhhh Chicken.....
• Mmmmmmmmm, chicken.

O.J. Simpson:

• It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
• He didn't. But if he had, it would have been because he loved her very much.
• To find the real killer.

Frank Sinatra:

• 'Cause the chick... is a tramp!
• He had to do it, his way.
• The chicken crossed the road my way.

Jeff Sinclair (Babylon 5):

• Watch out for chickens... they cross the road when you're not looking at them.

Isaac Bashevis Singer:

• Vat I vant to know is vat drives a chicken to live the right kind of life, and vat makes another vone do terrible things against himself, against the Almighty.
• We must believe the chicken crossed with free will. We have no choice.

Govind Singh:

• The chicken who crosses must be pure and follow khalsa. He must be ready to battle for the protection of the communityand be devoted to God. Men must train the chicken to hunt the hawk, so that one chicken can fight a legion.

Gene Siskel & Robert Ebert (Star Wars):

• ...and so I give "Chicken Wars" a strong feather up!
  Roger Ebert (Star Wars): Gene, I couldn't disagree more strongly...
• Gene Siskel: I don't know why it crossed the road, but I loved it. Thumbs up!
  Roger Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience wondering; the chicken's crossing the road was never clearly explained and the chicken didn't emote very well. It couldn't even speak English! Thumbs down!

Sisko (Star Trek):

• I don't care -why- it was crossing the road! All I want to know is -why- it left the coop! So it wanted to "get to the other side"--there is only -so far- that my tolerance will go!
• It was seeking deeper meaning. Jake, do you see what we've learned from all this?

Jake Sisko (Star Trek):

• To check out the babe that just came off that transport!

Sisyphus:

• Was it pushing a rock, too?

Red Skelton:

• He was a baaaad boy.

B.F. Skinner:

• Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars 1):

• I'm the only chicken who can cross the road.
• That chicken is a jedi.  I saw its laser sword.
• No truck can thump on a jedi chick.

Luke Skywalker (Star Wars):

• Crossing the road is one thing, this is.... totally different.
• But Uncle Owen, Biggs got to go to the Academy, so did that chicken!
• You chickens sure have a lot of rubber scoring... you must have seen a lot of road action!
• But how am I to know to the Good Side of the Road from the Bad?

Shmi Skywalker (Star Wars):

• That path is laid before the chicken alone.  It must make a choice of its own.

Bruce Slane (NZ Privacy Commissioner):

• I am concerned at the disclosure of this information on the chicken's crossing. Such reports have left the chicken feeling completely let down, and have hurt its feelings and affected its attitude.

Mrs. Slocum:

• Now look what you've done, there's chicken all over my pussy!

E.E. (Doc) Smith:

• Your humble narrator can barely do justice to this climactic event that rent asunder the fundamental ether of space itself, as the chicken, embodying all that is good and hard and straight and keen in the Avian world, fearlessly approached, bridged, and conquered the road for Civilization.

Joseph Smith:

• The Angel Moroni appeared before me and commandeth that I follow the chicken who crossed the road who would lead me to Cumorah and the plates of Gold.

Snoopy:

• You got it wrong, kid... all wrong... chasing chickens across roads is "out"... lying on top of doghouses is "in"!
• Every now and then I feel that the chicken's existence is justified.

Socrates:

• I will think about it.
• To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

Han Solo (Star Wars):

• Hurry up, Colonel Sanders, or you're gonna be a permanent resident!
• Crossing roads Anita like dustin' crops, chicken! There's lot of precise calculations. You could walk right into a Starrion, bounce to close to a Chevy Nova, and that would end your trip real fast.

Solomon:

• To make that determination, I propose cutting the chicken in half.
• Everything is vanity.

Dr. Soran (Star Trek):

• His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.)

John Phillip Sousa:

• He was marching to a different tune.

Supreme Soviet:

• There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

Edmund Spenser:

• All crossing is for love, and nothing for reward.
• Cross the road, whilst yet is time.

The Sphinx:

• You must tell me.

Spice Girls:

• The chicken said that it would go across the road for the joy.

Steven Spielberg:

• I'm covering this in my new movie, Raiders of the Lost Chicken-Coop, from which all profits will go to my new Chicken Foundation (which my mother, who has experience in these things, is going to head).

Mickey Spillane:

• She was a bantam bombshell with a body that could rock Plymouth and a feather on top of her comb, as I watched her crossing the road slowly slithering towards my cubbyhole I call an office.

Baruch Spinoza:

• To affirm his essance as a part of nature and God.

Mr. Spock (Star Trek):

• It was not logical for the chicken to do so, but I have frequently observed that the behavior of chickens is not logical.
• Fascinating, Captain, it seems driven by a beam of pure energy.
• It seemed like the logical thing to do at the time.

Lorell Sprewell:

• I know I shouldn't have choked him but he had stepped over the line when he crossed the road. What was I supposed to do, ignore it.

Jerry Springer:

• Next, chickens who bear their breasts at cock fights.

Joseph Stalin:

• I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.
• It was clearly a conspiracy. Take all the chickens out and shoot them. At Once!
• I don't care. Catch it. Put it in prison. I need its eggs to make my omelet--for the good of the many, of course.

Kenneth Starr:

• In view of President Clinton's dealings with the Tyson Poultry Company, the matter of the chicken crossing the road is under investigation for its possible connection with the Whitewater affair.
• It proves there was a cover-up and something pretty foul was going on.
• I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up.
  As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he co-operates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

C K Stead (New Zealand sport star):

• Volkner's was approaching when the chicken made it's break for the road. Left right, left right, peck and run.

Gertrude Stein:

• The road? There is no there.

John Steinbeck:

• The road baked in the relentless summer sun as the chicken, looking about, began to cross. It stopped occasionally to peck at a grass seed that had become lodged in a crevice in the cracked macadam. The chicken reached the other side, then began making his way to the Salinas, which lay muddy and turgid in the July afternoon, all the while thinking of the cool shade by the river and how good the can of beans in his bedroll would taste tonight.

George Steinbrenner:

• Because I offered him a $4 million contract.
• Because I fired him!
• Because he's now my new manager.
• Because I fired him again!

Adin Steinsaltz:

• See my book, The Many Petalled Chicken.

Sting & Aswad:

• There has to be an invisible sun on the other side that gives its heat and hope to every chicken.

Ben Stone (Law and Order):

• Because the defendant made it, sir.

Oliver Stone:

• The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
• He went back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the...

The Rolling Stones:

• It could get no satisfaction on this side.
• To give sympathy to the Devil.

Stormtrooper (Star Wars):

• We don't need to see his feathers... He's not the chicken we're looking for... He can go about his road-crossing... Move along... Move along...

Dr. Strangelove:

• Because it could not afford to be caught on the wrong side of the road-side gap.

Streibs (Babylon 5):

• "We were about to dissect the chicken to discover the answer, but a giant rooster appeared out of nowhere and pecked our ship to pieces..."

Theodore Sturgeon:

• 95% of what's written here is chickenshit.

Ed Sullivan:

• It was the talk of the town.

Harry Stack Sullivan:

• To establish an interpersonal relationship with the environment.

Sulu (Star Trek):

• To get back to San Francisco; it was born there.
• Don't call me Tiny!

John Sununu:

• The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
• Sununu & Kinsley:
  John Sununu: I would argue that the chicken never crossed the road at all. That it is a story concocted by the Clinton Administration to distract attention from their failed agriculture policy. Where is the evidence that the chicken crossed the road? Where, Michael?
  
  
  Michael Kinsley: Oh, John, come on! Everybody knows the chicken crossed the road. What evidence do you need? It's obvious that the chicken crossed the road. Your whole argument is just a smoke and mirror tactic to distract us from the fact that most chickens polled now back the Democratic Party. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, John.

U. S. Surgeon General:

• Quitting Crossing Roads Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to the Chicken's Health.

Swedish saying:

• Fortune follows the chicken who flees it across the road and flees from the chicken who seeks it.

Jonathan Swift:

• The chicken had to be very careful not to step on any of those Lilliputian cars.
• Behold the fatal day arrive!
  "How is the Chiken?" - "It's just alive."
  Now the departing prayer is read.
  "The Chicken crosses" - "The Chicken is dead."
• It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.

Annette Sykes (New Zealand):

• You shouldn't be surprised if the chicken and I crossed the road to plot terrorist activities, but please understand I'm not threatening anyone when I say that.

Your assistance in updating this page would be most appreciated.
Please send your Chickenology Encyclopedia entries to:

ervin@unforgettable.com