Chickenology Encyclopedia

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do chickens cross roads?
The most comprehensive listing on the Web (or so it should be).

P

Camille Paglia:

• It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this - their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....

Thomas Paine:

• Out of common sense.

Michael Palin:

• Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!

Geoffrey Palmer (NZ Prime Minister):

• Without a constitutional restraint, we, the people of New Zealand, cannot stop an unbridled chicken.

Pandora:

• He liked discovering new things.

Henry Charrierre (Papillon):

• To escape from authority.

Paris (Star Trek):

• Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.

Parker Brothers:

• To go directly to Jail without passing Go and collecting $200.00.

Dorothy Parker:

• Travel, trouble, music, art
  A kiss, a frock, a rhyme
  The chicken never said they fed its heart
  But still they pass its time.
• Chicks that cross the road. Are never served cold.

Pashto saying:

• Do not cross the road which neither your father nor your mother has ever crossed.

Patsy:

• Oh, F*&% the chicken. Run it over and lets have a drink.

Mary Baker Eddy Patterson:

• To cure itself.

Gen. George S. Patton:

• To get those yellow bellied chickens outta here.
• The way to win a war is not to cross a road for your country. The way to win a war is to make some OTHER poor chicken cross a road for HIS COUNTRY!
• Thirty years from now, when you're sitting around the fireplace with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what you did while the chickem was crossing the road, you won't have to say, "Well... I shoveled chicken shit in Louisiana."

Suzanne Paul (Entreprenueress Introduced hard sell advertising to NZ.):

• Howmuchwouldyouexpecttopay?Notonlydoyougetthechicken
  withwingsbtalsotheroadandifyouareoneofthefirst500callersI'll
  throwinthisfabulousnaturalglowingcrossingwhichthousandsof
  lumionousbluemonkeyshavepaidhundredsforit'<syoursfree.
  PriceexcludesGST>,postagepackagingandspecialconditions
  apply.

Wolfgang Pauli:

• There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.

Linus Pauling:

• To get some Vitamin C.

Ivan Pavlov:

• He was conditioned to do so.

Pinchas Peli:

• I was privileged to hear the Rav, Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik, speak on this subject. His discourses, which lasted several hours, were an experience which represented an exquisite and unparalleled combination of erudition, western philosophy, Torah learning and knowledge of poultry...

Li Peng:

• The chicken was a hooligan who was attempting to subvert the legitimate system of government. We peacefully ended the rebellion by the criminal elements. This is an internal matter, and any intervention into Chinese affairs by a foreign government will be considered an act of aggression against the People's Republic of China.

Samuel Pepys:

• A chicken, which cost me much money, and I pray God to make me able to pay for it.
• Pretty witty chicken.
• To the road and across with my parmesan cheese in its peck.  And it was a sad sight, indeed, as a truck hit it.

Percy:

• To acquire a hunk of purest green.

Frank Perdue:

• How the heck do I know? Do I look like a chicken to you -- don't answer that.
• I breed the finest chicken I know how, and it crosses the road as part of a vigorous fitness program to raise the leanest, plumpest birds anywhere. Besides, I was chasing it with this axe at the time.
• It takes a brave chicken to make a chicken tender.

Shimon Peres:

• Yitzhak Rabin, zichrono livracha, would have wanted the chicken to cross the road; it is our duty to unite together to see that it comes to pass.

Marlin Perkins (on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom):

• Watch, as the chicken mauls Jim yet again...

H. Ross Perot:

• I'm crossing. I'm not crossing....
• Crossing the road is that chickens primary concern! PRIMARY concern!
• Chickens and roads, I'll tell ya what it means! It means 4 trillion dollars of dafficit, it means the end of our infrastructure, it means... look at this chart!
• Let me tell ya, it's all about NAFTA. This chicken represents your job, and this road represents the Mexican border...
• No, no, it's not about me, Larry. It's about the chicken.
• "All right, so say you've got this chicken. He's at Point A on this chart here, and he's next to some road, which is this line that bisects the chart from top to bottom. But the chicken doesn't want to stay at Point A, no sir. That's stagnant. That's the kind of thinking we've had too long in this country. That chicken wants to CROSS that road, to go over here to Point B. Maybe he wants to open up a business or something, it doesn't really matter why. But the point is, he's got to cross that road. No way around it. He doesn't need a government handout. He just needs somebody to stop the darn traffic for a couple of minutes so he can GET across. Are you followin' me so far?"
• Now I'm glad you asked that question. Take a look at this graph, you see? Here's some of our American chickens. Over here we got some of them Japanese chickens. Now are you listening to me? It's just as plain as the nose on my face.

Persian Saying:

• The chicken's crossing, although full of faults, is perfect in its father's eyes.

Winston Peters (New Zealand):

• I am fed up with the constant stream of unproven accusations from the press. This email is not an appropriate forum to reveal the motives of the chicken. To discuss this matter now would be to pre-empt a possible court action. I am frankly disappointed you asked that question.

Patek Phillipe:

• It is a tradition that transcends time.

Any Philosophy 101 Professor:

• Why not?

Jean-Luc Picard:

• To see what's out there.
• Because it's shields were down and it had no other options left...
• The chicken heard the singular voice of the collective.
• Dammit, that's not for us to answer! It's his fundamental right as a sentient being to determine the time and manner by which he travels towards his goals!
• There are four lights!

Admiral Piett (Star Wars):

• Hold here. We only have to keep the chicken from crossing. I have my orders from the Emperor himself. He has a special barbecue planned.

Piglet:

• Because ch-ch-chickens are such very s-s-s-small animals.

Judith Plaskow:

• Where was the chicken in Jewish history? What was its name? Let us begin now to reclaim its significance, to refashion new rituals, to allow its voice to speak through the ages...

Sylvia Plath:

• Dying is an art, like everything else.  The chicken did it exceptionally well.  It did it so it felt like hell.
• I guess you could say the chicken had a call.

Plato:

• For the greater good.
• The ideal chicken must ideally cross the ideal road. Therefore, imperfect chickens in this world cross imperfect roads, imperfectly.
• Because it is in the nature of chickens, strictly defined in as much as they are chickens, to cross roads.

Li Po:

• When you ask why I dwell here docile among the far green hills, I laugh in my heart. My heart is happy. The peach-blossom watches the chicken running across the road but remains content. There is a better heaven and earth than the busy world of chickens.

Edgar Allan Poe:

• Quoth the chicken,"Nevermore!"
• For a cask of Amontillado.

Letty Cottin Pogrebin:

• In the early days on Ms magazine I cared more about women than chickens; but I see now that this was a sort of false consciousness, an anti-chickenism within the movement...

Politician:

• Don't blame the chicken! Society is to blame. The chicken did cross the road, but he or she was merely a victim of this racist, bigoted, sexist society. We are all to blame, for failing to provide... [blah, blah, blah -- ad nauseam]

Alexander Pope:

• To cluck is avian, to cross devine.
• It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.

The Pope:

• That is only for God to know.
• Crossing the road is a sin that risks eternal damnation.

Cole Porter:

• It was just one of those things. Just one of those avian flings.

Richard Posner:

• As a perfectly rational, utility-maximizing being, the chicken, aware of the possible consequences of its act, voluntarily faced the risk that it would be injured while crossing the road, in order to obtain the benefits that it perceived to accrue from that transaction. Allowing chickens to make this sort of decision, unfettered by restrictions by government or elsewhere on their freedom of choice, is absolutely necessary if an efficient and free society is to be maintained.

Emily Post:

• When a chicken is confronted with a road, it is only proper for the chicken to stand erect, turn to face the road, look both ways and cross... remembering to send a sincere thank you letter within one month of the event.
• It was the proper course to take.

Bert Potter (New Zealand):

• Your very question betrays your misconception of the chicken. The chicken was old enough to consent.

Ezra Pound:

• For Il Duce and Der Furher.

A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada:

• To achieve personal peace and happiness.

Elvis Presley:

• You ain't nothin' but a chicken, crossin' all the roads!

Psalms:

• Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no road!

Giacomo Puccini:

• As through the roads, she wanders onward merrily.

Pyrrho the Skeptic:

• What road?

Monty Python:

• For Something Completely Different
• And God ascended from the heavens, and sayeth unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. Yaaay.
• The Larch.

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