Chickenology Encyclopedia

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do chickens cross roads?
The most comprehensive listing on the Web (or so it should be).

K

Ted Kaczynski:

• To mail a letter.

Kadafi:

• To take over the other side.

Franz Kafka:

• Dieter, now in the form of a chicken, was running from the government's torture machine. The machine, an instrument of death, slowly obliterated the souls of its victims. Dieter was alone. He was running for his life, his insignificant life.
• I woke up one morning to discover that I had been turned into a chicken. I immediately felt a compulsion to cross the road. I can not say why.
• The indifferent maze of tortuous twisted roads criss-crossed one another without reason. But they all lead to the Castle and at the gate stood a guard. The chicken had to pass the guard.
• Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Meir Kahane:

• The only good chicken is a dead chicken.

Rodger Kamenatz:

• It was amazing to see how this question united the age old cultures of Judaism and Tibetan Buddhism. As Yitz Greenberg said to Zalman Schacter-Shalomi, while the Dalai Lama looked on and several hundred Buddhist monks waved traditional prayer flags in the hazy Indian wind...

Charles Foster Kane:

• Rosebud... Rosebud...

Immanuel Kant:

• The pure transcendental concept of the road, having been deduced a priori and without dependence on intuitions, is given in the mode of the chicken as an end in itself, while crossing the road as a hypothetical imperative, namely, as acting towards some end allowed by Reason.
• Because it was its duty.
• The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.
• The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.

Mordechai Kaplan:

• Give the chicken a voice,not a veto.

Karate chicken:

• I hoped there was an easier way to get a new belt.

Casey Kasem:

• And now here's a hot new number from a hot young band whose drummer was so tragically killed in a freeway accident, it's The Hen House Flock singing "When You Gonna Crow?" hitting the charts at number 23!

Ray Kass:

• Let's forget it never happened.

John Keats:

• It was a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

Gene Kelly:

• It was singing in the rain.
• The chicken was singing while it crossed the road dancing in the rain.

John F. Kennedy:

• Let us never cross out of fear, but let us never fear to cross.
• Ask not what the crossing will do for you - ask what you can do for the crossing.
• The chicken chose to cross the road in this decade not because it was easy, but because it was hard.
• And the chicken said, "Ich bin ein Berliner."
• The journey of a thousand miles starts with the first road crossing.
• "All of us who have crossed the roads of our lives understand the dangers of destination and the formidable burdens of flightless fowl. So let every chicken know, whether it crosses slowly or quickly, that this administration supports the struggles of chickens everywhere, and we will not be content until every hen is the master of its own house. We all have roads before us, and so each of us, in our own way, is really chicken. And so I say to the chickens of the world, 'Ich bin ein chickie-birden.'"
• Because that's where the power is.

Senator Edward Moore "Teddy" Kennedy:

• I panicked.

Obi Wan Kenobi:

• Cross the road, chicken. Let go, chicken. Chicken - trust me.
• May the Force be with you.
• To follow old Obi Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade.

Johannes Kepler:

• He crossed in an arc, not a straight line.

Jack Kerouac:

• The chicken hipster, high on tea and the soul groves of Charlie (the bird) Parker, strolled aimlessly on the road looking for his dharma.

Graham Kerr:

• What! "Chicken Crossing The Road"... not without a fine white wine and a cup of heavy cream.

Kes (Star Trek):

• It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped using them!

Khan (Star Trek):

• With my last breath I spit at the chicken...

Omar Khayam:

• The moving chicken fingers write, and having writ, move on.

Soren Kierkegaard:

• The chicken is dead. The road is nothing.

Colonel Kilgore:

• "I love the smell of chickens in the morning."

Dr. Richard Kimble:

• To find the one-winged rooster who killed his hen.

Martin Luther King, Jr.:

• It had a dream.
• I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Rodney King:

• Why can't the chicken just cross the road?

The Kingston Trio:

• The lions still roam the barranca And a hen there is always alone ....
• For a Scotch and Soda.

Kira (Star Trek):

• I bet those damn Cardassians were after it!
• It was probably being chased by those cursed Cardassians.

James T. Kirk (Star Trek):

• To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
• You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you killed...my SON...you CHICKEN bastard....youkilledmy...son!

Kitve ha-Ariza"l:

• If Rabi Pinhas had only offered the chicken up as an olah, Mashiach would have come.

Melanie Klein:

• She was driven by a primitive death instinct, an internalization of significant object relations.

Ralph Klein:

• Because we gave it a one-way bus ticket to B.C.

Knight Two (Babylon 5):

• "Do you really expect us to believe it was to get to the other side? WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD?"

Mark Knophler:

• How come Chickens got Industrial Disease?

Heinz Kohut:

• It is a narcissistic transference due to failure of parental empathy and acceptance.

Sandy Koufax:

• It would not cross the road on Yom Kippur.

Lord Krishna:

• A chicken cannot escape the force of action by abstaining from actions.
• No chicken exists for even an instant without performing action; however unwilling, every chicken is forced to act by the qualities of nature.
• To protect men of virtue and destroy men who do evil, to set the standard of sacred duty, the chicken crosses the road in age after age.
• Even if the chicken is the most evil of all sinners, it will cross over all evil roads on the raft of knowledge.
• One who crosses the road that must be crossed without concern for the fruits is a chicken of renunciation and discipline.
• A chicken who crosses remembering me at the time of being hit by a truck enters my being when freed from its body.
• I am the source of everything, and everything proceeds from me.
• When the chicken dies in passion, it is born among lovers of action.
• The chicken does not dislike headlights or crossing or delusion; when they cease to exist the chicken does not desire them.
• Neither sun nor moon nor headlight illumines the chicken on the road - once there, it does not return.
• The divine traits lead to crossing, the demonic to staying in bondage.
• It does not disdain unskilled action nor cling to skilled action; in its lucidity the chicken is wise and its doubts are cut away.
• If it listens in faith, finding no fault, a chicken is free and will cross to the cherished worlds of those who act in virtue.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross:

• It is an emotional adaptation to the environment, a final accptance of the necessity to cross after periods of shock and denial, anger, bargaining and depression.

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