Chickenology Encyclopedia

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do chickens cross roads?
The most comprehensive listing on the Web (or so it should be).

H

Bonna Haberman:

• What's most important is that chickens be able to daven freely at the kotel...

Buddy Hackett:

• 'Cause there was a cook behind her trying to shove a rotisserie skewer up her behind!

William Hague:

• To avoid the prospect of a united Europe.

Haiku (By Clynch Varnador):

• Life's destination
  Chicken crosses asphalt stream
  Becomes other side
  
  Lure of other side
  Chicken having crossed the road
  Must now cross again

Nathan Hale:

• He regrets that he has only one road to cross for his flock.

Judah ha-Levi:

• My road is the East, but my chicken is in the farthest West.

Hamlet:

• To cross or not to cross the road, that is the question.
• Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and arrows of outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of oncoming vehicles.

Oscar Hammerstein, Jr.:

• It was such a beautiful morning, such a beautiful day.

Hannibal:

• The chicken did not cross the road.  It crossed the Alps.
• To avoid the elephants.

Oliver Hardy:

• There´s another nice mess you´ve gotten us into!

Thomas Hardy:

• The road was black, the sky was white (and so were the feathers) as the bright red mark on the top of the chicken's head gleamed in the twilight. It was a pure chicken and it was doomed.

Joel Chandler Harris:

• Brer Fox, he wink his eye slow, en lay low, en the chick'n, it ain't sayin' nothing en crossin' the road.
• Bless grashus, honey, dat it didn't.  Who? It? You dunno nuthin' 'tall 'bout de chick'n crossin'.

Mike Harris, (Premier of Ontario):

• Like everything else in this province, it was facing the axe.

Harry (Star Trek):

• I don't know, it's my first mission.

David Hartman:

• As I was saying to Shimon, Yitzhak, Ezer Weizman, Edgar Bronfman and the Pope, all of whom wanted to know my views on this subject... That reminds me, Motti, I want two chickens! And three bottles of wine!!

Heinz Hartmann:

• It is an adaptive mechanism to fit in with the environment in order to gain satisfaction of its instinctual needs and drives.

Paul Harvey:

• And now you know the rest of the story,
• And now... page two... a chicken... attempts to cross... the street... yes... the street... and is... run down by a... Buick! The Buick Roadmaster with it's powerful performance and elegant style! Yes... that poor chicken... hit by the Buick... it's true... it's... true... and speaking of true... your local True Value Hardware Store...

John Hawkesby (New Zealand News Reader):

• Trivial drainage and roading issues are why I turned down running for local body politics.

Nathaniel Hawthorn:

• Many characteristics - and those, too, which contribute not the least forcibly to impart resemblance in a sketch - must have vanished, or been obscured, before the chicken crossed the road with the burning scarlet letter on its breast.

William Harrison Hays:

• A hen and rooster may be seen together only if they are on opposite sides of the road. A chicken shall never be shown crossing the road if another chicken is present.

Queen of Hearts:

• It doesn't matter. Off with its head.

Hugh Hefner:

• To express her sexual freedom.

Hegel:

• Only through the synthesis of the dialectical chicken and road could the spirit transcend the experience of crossing.
• Chickens and poultry have never learned anything from history, or acted on principals deduced from it.

Robert Heinlein:

• Because with the freedom the chicken was given, it was the chicken's responsibility to do so.
• The more widely dispersed chickens are throughout the Universe, the better the long-term prospects for the survival of the chicken species.
• To grok.

Werner Heisenberg:

• We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
• We could tell you how it crossed the road, but we couldn't tell you where.
• It was uncertain if it could make it, but wanted to try on general principles.
• Because the chicken is moving very fast, you can either observe the chicken or you can measure the chicken, but you cannot do both.

Joseph Heller:

• The chicken had to cross because not crossing meant he would die, a victim Milo's black market. Of course, crossing meant he would die anyway as the jeep zoomed by. So he could have crossed and died. Or he could have stayed put and died. Those were his only choices, so he had to cross. Or not cross.

Ernest Hemingway:

• To die. In the rain. Alone.
• They had made this crossing with the minimum of comfort. There was no hardship; but there was no luxury and the chicken had thought that it could get back into training that way.
• Just when the chicken crossed the road the hyena stopped whimpering in the night and started to make a strange, human, almost crying sound.
• Ask me not for whom the chickens cross. They cross for thee.

Henry the Eighth:

• To get another bride.

Patrick Henry:

• For liberty or death.

O Henry:

• Turn up the lights, the chicken doesn't want to go across the road in the dark.

Heraclitus:

• A chicken can't step twice on the same road.

Robert Herrick:

• Cross ye the roads while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying.

Gustav Hertz:

• Lately, its been crossing with greater frequency.

Theodore Hertzl:

• To return to the promised land.
• One day, chicken, you WILL reach the other side. You may not believe it; others may not believe it; but fifty years from now...

Old Herut party:

• There are two sides to the road, the first is ours and the second is as well.

Abraham Joshua Heschel:

• If that chicken makes it to the other side I'll be radically amazed!

Jim Hickey (New Zealand):

• The chicken was tripped up by the end of a swirling tropical cycloney whirl and caught in a nor'westerly flow by that mashed potato depression over the Pacific.

Rodney Hide (New Zealand):

• The chicken did not stop to consider the real cost of it's excursion because it's government subsidised perk hid the cost from the taxpaying public.

Napoleon Hill:

• To think and grow rich.

Sir Edmund Hillary:

• We knocked the bugger chicken off. And why? Because it was there.

Hillel:

• If I am not for the chicken, then who will be? But if I am only for the chicken, then what am I? And if it doesn't cross now, when?

Hippocrates:

• Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
• Because of an excess of pleghm in its pancreas.

Adolf Hitler:

• A Jewish conspiracy
• It needed Lebensraum.

Thomas Hobbes:

• By its own free will in the drive for self-preservation in the absence of external impediaments.

Hobson:

• He had no choice.

Eric Hoffer:

• When chickens are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

Doug Hofstadter:

• To seek explication of the correspondence between appearance and essence through the mapping of the external road-object onto the internal road-concept.

Paul Holmes (New Zealand News Analyst):

• Well. The chicken. Crossed the road. Or so we all thought. It now seems that the whole story. May have been invented. To boost. Interest in a new book published published I might add yes I might I might indeed published by the very same chook. Tonight on Holmes. We investigate. The chook book crook ahmph.

Sherlock Holmes:

• Elementary, my dear Watson. She was chased across by a nine-month old white Persian with a broken tail and a rose thorn in its right forepaw.
• It crossed the road because it was going to catch a train at Victoria Station at 3:15, to Edinburgh. And how did I know that? Observe, Watson, the patina of dust on the chicken's feathers, which indicates that it had been spending time in a library, reading about Scotland. And observe also that it was humming "Bonnie Lassie" as it waited to cross. Finally, and most important, observe the train ticket marked Edinburgh, stuffed under one wing, and the fact that Victoria station was where the chicken crossed the street, and finally that the only train to Edinburgh this afternoon is the 3:15....

HoloDoc (Star Trek):

• How should I know? No one tells me anything around here! I didn't even know we added chickens to the crew! All I know is that it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to cross the road, if it had remembered to turn me off!
• Maybe it was trying to state the nature of a medical emergency.

Mr. Homm (Star Trek):

• ........

Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show:

• She didn't; she got stoned and she missed it.
• To get her picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone.
• To talk to Sylvia's mother.

J. Edgar Hoover:

• Our investigation reveals his Red contact had left a drop for him there.

Karen Horney:

• To find her self-realization and self-actualization, it is necessary to deal with the here and now represented by the road and not with the past experiences associated with the egg.

Whitney Houston:

• The chicken wanted to dance and feel the heat with somebody.

Fred Hoyle:

• There is a coherent plan in the universe which explains why a chicken would wish to cross the road, though I don't know what it's a plan for.

L. Ron Hubbard:

• Only chickens who learn to cross can remove their engrams and become a clear.
• By crossing the chicken removes all counter-intentions from the environment.
• It wanted Life Improvement Through Education.

Hugh the Borg (Star Trek):

• Maybe it wanted to be my friend.
• Maybe it just needed a big hug!

Howard Hughes:

• It was no chicken. It was a spruce goose.

David Hume:

• Out of custom and habit.

Humpty Dumpty:

• A little chicken was crossing the road,
  The little chicken was hit on the road.
  All the King's Horses and all the King's men,
  Couldn't put it together again.

Sam Hunt:

• So the chicken crossed the road
  and also rode the cross
  Our nation's boss the Southern Cross
  Now bears his PALTRY load.

Dean Husarik:

• To get her old age pension!   Get it?  No!  You will when you're 65.
• The chicken was stapled to Colonel Saunders.

Saddam Hussein:

• This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
• It is the Mother of all Chickens.

Aldous Huxley:

• To find a brave new world.

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