Chickenology Encyclopedia

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do chickens cross roads?
The most comprehensive listing on the Web (or so it should be).

G

Zsa Zsa Gabor:

• It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Galahad:

• It was sworn to chastity.... but I think I can stay a bit..

Galileo:

• To get a better look at the stars.

George Gallup:

• Hen Party 42%; Dare 18%; Whim 12%; Business 2%; Undecided 26%.

Gandalf:

• O chicken, do not meddle in the affairs of roads, for you are tasty and good with barbecue sauce.

Mahatma Gandhi (Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi):

• Truth never damages a chicken that is just.
• The chicken has nothing new to teach the world. Truth and Non-violence are as old as the hills. All the chicken has done is to try experiments on both sides of the road on as vast a scale as it could.
• Morality is contraband in crossing the road.
• It was an act of non-aggretion.
• The chicken who crosses is practices satyagraha. It crosses with courage, non-violence and truth, and is an example to all men as to how they should behave to achieve freedom and self-independance.

Garak (Star Trek):

• To get to the other side? Of course not! Do you realize how ridiculous that is? I'm sure it was a simple matter of its farmer expelling it from the coop for... embezzling eggs.

Greta Garbo:

• It vanted to be alone.

Michael Garibaldi (Babylon 5):

• The chicken in the middle of the road is looking for you.

Bill Gates:

• I have just released Chicken Coop 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -- and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.
• I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.
• For the money.
• We own the road. We own the chicken. It's none of your damn business.
• To lead the other chickens across the Info Superhighway (NOT road) and into a world where there's a computer in every home.
• It's just where he wanted to go today.
• I have just released the new Chicken Office 780. Which will not only cross roads but will also lay eggs and file your important documents.
• It was bundled with Explorer until the government stepped in.

Karl Gauss:

• Because of the magnetic personality of the rooster on the other side.

John Gay:

• Let us takes to the road. Hark, I hear the sound of roosters.

Gloria Gaynor:

• It will survive.

Theodor Geisel - See Dr. Seuss:

Gordon Gekko (Wall Street):

• For <greed.The> point is, ladies and gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works.

General Electric:

• For a better tomorrow.

General Motors:

• He had a better idea., to get to the other side.

Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective):

• I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a rooster in my bathroom.

Geordi (Star Trek):

• Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll be there in an hour or two--but any later, and it'll be absolutely impossible for it to make it.

George Gershwin:

• It aint necessarily so.

Yuel Gibbons:

• Because that's where the vegetarians live!

Joe Gideon:

• It's showtime, folks!

Frank Bunker Gilbereth:

• To minimize its therbligs.

Gilbert and Sullivan:

• Be firm, be firm my pecker. Your evil stars ascendant.

W. S. Gilbert:

• In all our woes that curse our race, there is a hen in the case.

Gilligan:

• The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost, the chicken would be lost.

Jim Gillis:

• The chicken crossed the road to show the gophers it could be done.

Newt Gingrich:

• To get to the RIGHT side of the road.
• The chicken had to cross the road, because, bogged down by the incredible debt burden, it was no longer able to fly.
• It was safety pinned to one of those damn punk rockers!
• The chicken choose to exercize individual initiative and not wait for a government-funded traffic light program.
• I'll tell you as soon as I get this foot out of my mouth.

Allen Ginsberg:

• The chicken got busted in its pubic feathers returning through Laredo with a belt of marijuana for New York.
• It went out whoring through Colorado in myriad stolen nightcars.
• How many flies buzzed round you innocent of your grime, while you cursed the heavens of the road and your flower soul?

G'Kar (Babylon 5):

• "Weep for the chicken, Na'Toth. Weep for us all."

Ira Glasser (ACLU):

• The chicken maintains an absolute privacy interest in information as to whether or why he or she may have perambulated the thoroughfare.

John Glenn:

• If it crossed at a young age, it will also cross when getting old.
• It must prove that it still has the strength.

God:

• Thou Shalt Cross The Road !!

Johann Friedrich von Goethe:

• The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
• On the other side of the road is peace.

Samuel Goldwyn:

• It created an excitement that swept the country like wild flowers.
• If the chicken's father were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.

Goliath:

• A slingshot and a what??????

Holly Golightly:

• You know those days when you get the mean reds? Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to cross the road and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away.

The Great Gonzo:

• Camilla, come back!

Mother Goose:

• Mary had a little chick, its comb was white as snow.
  And everywhere that Mary went, that chick was sure to go.
  It followed her to school one day, at least that's what is told.
  So she became famous in her own way,
  As the chicken that crossed the road.

Al Gore:

• Waiting for completion of NCI (Nation Chicken-crossing Infrastructure) and will cross as soon as it's finished, assuming he's re-elected and the Republicans don't gut the program.
• I wasn't there. I didn't call it. It didn't make a political contribution. I don't think it's a Buddhist. We didn't let it into the White House---to my knowledge.

Stephen Jay Gould:

• It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

Sir Charles Grandiose:

• As surely as the golden hairs turn to silver, as surely as the sands drift silently through the slender neck of the hourglass, the last sunny days of summer flee soundlessly under autumn's chilly embrace. And with those last days of that warmest and most joyful of seasons, left the road's edge the sprightliest young chicken ever a Baronet did see

Grandpa:

• In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Hugh Grant:

• He was up to his old tricks.

Greedo (Star Wars):

• You were a good chicken once; now you're Buick fodder!

Horace Greeley:

• To go west, young man. To go west..

Arthur Green:

• A contemporary Jewish theology must incorporate the chicken's need to cross the road, even if we don't fully understand why it wanted to cross the road in the first place.

Blu Greenberg:

• In the first ten years or so of our marriage, Yitz and I didn't really focus on this question, we lived quite conventional Jewish lives, and had chicken soup every Friday night. I remember quite clearly the moment at which I first began seriously to think about this important question in a radically new light.... Nevertheless I want to emphasize that in my view a synthesis of orthodoxy, feminism and the rights of the chicken is absolutely possible, difficult though this may sometimes seem in practice.

Yitz Greenberg:

• There have been three quite distinct historical Jewish responses to this question...

John Grisham:

• The phone in the chicken coop was bugged.

Hercules Gryptyppe-Thynne, (All-around Public-School Cad):

• That's not a chicken! It's a clever disguise, inside of which is Count Jim "Thighs" Moriarity.....

Joseph Guillotine:

• So he could get a head-start on the competition.

The Guinness Book of Records:

• POULTRY: Road Crossings: 6248 chickens, owned by Sarah and Bud Knox, crossed Highway 66 near Des Moines, Iowa, on April 7, l975. The crossing took three hours and twenty-four minutes and resulted in a line of stopped cars for almost two miles.

Forrest Gump:

• My Mama always says, "stupid is what stupid does."

Gary Gygax:

• Because I rolled a 64 on the "Chicken Random Behaviors" chart on page 497 of the Dungeon Master's Guide.

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