Chickenology Encyclopedia

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do chickens cross roads?
The most comprehensive listing on the Web (or so it should be).

B

Francis Bacon:

• Only a child can know.
• To retain his own dignity without intruding upon the liberty of others.

Lord Baden-Powell:

• Because as a Chicken Scout, it needed the Road-Crossing Merit Badge.

Bilbo Baggins:

• Oh what I wouldn't give to back in my nice, warm Hobbit-hole! I hope I never have to lay eyes on such a thing as that chicken again!

Baha u'llah (Hussein Ali):

• The bird seeketh its nest; the   nightingale the charm of the rose; whilst those birds, the hearts of   chickens, content with transient dust, have strayed far from their eternal nest, and with eyes turned towards the slough of heedlessness are bereft of the glory of the divine presence.
• He is walking the spiritual path with practical feet.

Baldrick:

• It had a cunning plan.

J. G. Ballard:

• A new social type was being created by the multilane highway, a cool, unemotional personality impervious to the psychological pressures of high-speed living, with minimal needs for safety, who thrived like anadvanced species of machine in the neutral atmosphere of the highway.

The Band:

• To take a load off....

The Bandit, in The Treasure of The Sierra Madre:

• "Chickens? Chickens? We don't need no stinkin' chickens!"

Buckaroo Banzai:

• "Wherever the chicken goes, there he he is."

Barclay (Star Trek):

• Uh, chicken?!! Where?!!! C-c-c-ommander, did I ever mention my problem with small feathered things?

David Bar-Ilan:

• This question represents the worst sort of gross anti-semitism on the part of the world's media. Reuters is particularly culpable...

Clive Barker:

• He was drawn to the road, and he didn't so much cross the road as the road crossed him. And once across, the chicken entered into a frightening void, filled only with the screams of a thousand  agonized souls. The hands of doom reached out of the blackness, strangling the chicken, smothering him, suffocating him. He could not escape, as no one who crosses the road can escape. He was now a prisoner of the Cenobytes, doomed to an eternity of pain.

P. T. Barnum:

• Because there is a foul born every minute.

Roseanne Barr:

• Urrrrrp. What chicken?

Cantina Bartender (Star Wars):

• We don't serve their kind in here. Your chickens they'll have to wait across the street.

Karl Barth:

• It is predetermined. What the chicken achieves in relation to God is due to God. There is no other truth.

Roland Barthes:

• The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road.

Clara Barton:

• I distinctly remember forgetting that.

Dr. Bashir (Star Trek):

• I suppose it wanted to play some darts.
• It probably heard about my amazing medical skills not to mention my sexual prowess and came to get some pointers.

James K Baxter:

• When the chicken bought the farm the braken made it's bed. And why not cross the road? the Magpies said.

Yogi Bear:

• He was smarter than the average chicken.

The Beatles:

• To be free as a bird!

Beavis and Butthead:

• Beavis: Because it sucks.
  Butthead: Heh, heh, heh!

Wolfgang van Beethoven:

• The chicken crossed the road because it was deaf and couldn't hear the approaching truck.
• What? Speak up.

B'Elanna (Star Trek):

• I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the [BEEP] regulations of [BEEP] Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!

Alexander Graham Bell:

• To get to the nearest phone.

Vicento Bellini:

• She was a sonnambulist and knew not what she did.

Ben & Jerry:

• Our new Ice Cream. Grandma's Funky ChickenSoup Ice Cream, or Funky Chicken for short. We will give 20 cents per tub to the Environmental Chicken Fund.

Alfred Benet:

• The C.Q. or Crossing Quotient is the ratio of the number of times the chicken has crossed compared to his peers times 100 and is the best measure of a chicken's intelligence. This chicken had a C.Q. of 142 and must be considered gifted.

Jack Benny:

• I'm thinking. ... I'm thinking.
• She was no spring chicken.

Jeremy Bentham:

• For the greatest happiness of the greatest number.

Beowulf:

• "That was no pleasant journey, not one on which the famous son of Ecgtheow would wish to leave his land; against his will he must take up a dwelling place elsewhere."
• The judgment of God would control the deeds of every chicken.

Lavrenti Beria (ex-head of the KGB):

• This is a State Secret -- we have informants everywhere.

George Berkeley:

• It is immaterialistic and a conceptual absurdity that a chicken would cross the road for any other purpose than that being God's will.

Irving Berlin:

• Anything she could do, I could do better.

Chris Berman:

• She's across the near shoulder, up to the yellow stripe, to the slick mark..... she... could... go... all... the... WAY!!!!!

Yoga Berra:

• The road's not crossed until its crossed.

Aunt Beru (Star Wars):

• He can't stay here forever. Most of his friends have already crossed. It means so much to him.

Bester (Babylon 5):

• (to the chicken) Why did you have to cross the road? We are your family. We raised you, clothed you. We are your father and mother. Don't force us to do this.... (the chicken squawks in mortal terror)

The Bible:

• And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
• And so the Lord he spoke to the chicken - cross the road and ye shall find thine own true kingdom. And so did the chicken cross the road in the glory of the lord. Upon the other side did the chicken did beget another chicken which begot another chicken whom begets another chicken who begat another chicken...

Biggs (Star Wars):

• At that speed, will you be able to cross in time?

Billie:

• I wanted to be the chicken's girlfriend.

Bill The Cat:

• Ack. Thpppbt

Josh Billings:

• I don't care how much a chicken walks, if he only doess it in a few steps. (Au-NC)

E. Paul Bindrim:

• He didn't like dressing.

Blackadder:

• Queenie: Because I told it to.
  Percy: To acquire a hunk of purest green
  Lord Flasheart: To DOOOOOOOOO IT!

Rick Blaine:

• If she don't cross that road she'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of her life.

Tony Blair:

• This was an important breakthrough in the peace process.

William Blake:

• Little chicken, who set thee free
  To wander here on Highway Three?
  "Oh, sir, your question's very odd;
  He is called the Lamb of God."
  
  Little chicken, crushed and bleeding,
  You did not see that auto speeding.
  "Oh, sir, do not sit and brood:
  God just had a Tygerish mood."

Ces Blazey (South Africa and New Zealand sport star):

• The chicken and the road can and should have nothing to do with each other regardless of what was signed at Gleneagles.

Elwood Blues:

• They're not gonna catch it. It's on a mission from God!

Lorena Bobbitt:

• She was a cut above the others.

Mr. Bobbitt:

• Something was missing from his life on this side.

Jacob Boehme:

• When I saw the chicken cross the road, I saw the Being of Beings, the Byss and Abyss, the eternal generation of the trinity and the origin and descent of the world and of all creatures through the Devine Wisdom.

James Bond:

• World domination. The same old dream. Our asylums are full of chickens who think they're Napoleon. Or God.

Sonny Bono:

• He crossed the road because he couldn't ski down the mountain, babe.

Lizzie Bordon:

• I'm just a little girl and an orphan. How could I know a chicken with its head chopped off could still run.

The Borg (Star Trek):

• Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated.

Bottom:

• To say the truth, reason and love keep chickens crossing now-a-days.

Lucien Bouchard:

• So that it could be SEPARATE!

Ben Bova:

• To be reunited with beautiful grey-eyed Athena, the woman he has loved for all the time.

Robert Boyle:

• She had been under too much pressure at home.

Boyzone:

• No matter what, the chicken can't deny what it believes in.

Ray Bradbury:

• A chicken crossing the road is an impossibility in an impossible universe.

Sue Bradford (New Zealand):

• To protest.

Johnny Bravo:

• Hey man, long time no see chicken's crossing.
• Oh mamma, I love them chicks screaming for me.
• What a jerk!

Bertolt Brecht:

• It is the chicken's will to go with the rooster it loves.  It does not want to count the costs or consider whether it is good.

Brisco (Law and Order):

• For A Bagel

William J. Broad:

• The crux is that the vast majority of the poultry in the universe seems to be missing.

Charles Bronfman:

• Forget the chicken! Let's get these teenagers to Israel: just think what will happen if they see an ISRAELI chicken crossing the road...

Edgar Bronfman:

• I shall be taking this matter up, on behalf of the WJC, with President Clinton, the Pope, and whoever's head of Russia this week...

Charlie Brown:

• The chicken was depressed.
• I think it is only natural for little chickens to cross the road.
• I don't even know what's going on...

Dr. Emmett Brown:

• Road? Where we're going we don't need roads!

Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

• Why doth the chicken cross the road, let me count the ways.

Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce and Bruce:

• To grab a Fosters and get away from the poofters!

Clyde Bruckman:

• Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do any of us do anything? Why did he choose that exact moment to cross the road, thus leaving a slight indentation in the surface... that, fifty years later, causes a man driving a blue sports car to hit it, and spin off the road, spiraling to his death...

Martin Buber:

• The reason the chicken crosses the road is irrelevant. All that is important is that I observe and judge the crossing.
• I and Thou, Chicken

Pat Buchanan:

• To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
• "We know why the chicken crossed the road, my friends. Oh, yes we do. It crossed the road for the same reason they ALL cross the road: to come to our country, and eat our dried corn, and peck in our barnyard, and send their little chicks, mostly born out of wedlock, to our schools. But the American people are tired of those chickens, and the peasants have picked up their pitchforks. Our message to those chickens is simple, my friends:'Welcome to the barbecue.'"

Art Buchwald:

• The news about chickens travels fast in Washington.

Buddha:

• If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
• It was contemplating the beauty of the world and enjoying nature.
• So that next time, it may return as a swan.

Rev, John Buehrens:

• To affirm the inherent worth and dignity of every chicken and to protest the Chicken Scouts discriminatory policy against gay cocks and hens.

Bukowski:

• To go to the bar, pick a fight, and find a good hen.

Bulwer-Lytton:

• It was a dark and stormy road, the rain glistening in the headlights of passing wagons, the horses heads' drooping against the wind and the tears from the sky, and their great muscles straining against the weight of the wagon, when the chicken, without looking up, which he could have, and perhaps should have, done, began his arduous trek across the muddy rivulets that ran ultimately into the sound.

Bugs Bunny:

• What's up, chick?

Archie Bunker:

• I don't care what them there chickens do, as long as they stay on THEIR side of the street!

Robert Burns:

• Fair Fa Your Honest Sonsie Face
  Great Chieftain O' The Chicken Race
  The blackened road 'ahind ye said
  Ye best run quick ere ye be deid!

George Bush:

• If it did it was out of the loop.
• It could see the thousand points of headlights...
• To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
• Read my chicken lips. To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
• The Cold War began with the chicken's separation from the other side of the road.  It can only end when the chicken is on the other side.
• Because like I said to Barb, when a chicken ... I mean, hey, got a road here, a real good road, got another side there, and ... not saying it's not a good side here, not saying that, but ya gotta realize ... chicken crossing ... gotta look out for cars, gotta look out . . . could be a wide road, double yella line down the middle for miles ...

Rhett Butler:

• Frankly my dear, it didn't give a damn!

Samuel Butler:

• The chicken crosses through consciousness and intelligence. For even the embryo of the chicken we claim the same kind of reasoning power and contrivance which we claim for the amoeba or for our own intelligent performances in later life.

Edd Byrnes (Kookie):

• To borrow my comb.

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