Chickenology Encyclopedia

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do chickens cross roads?
The most comprehensive listing on the Web (or so it should be).

A

Nicola Abbagnano:

• Because it is necessary, Thus can possible and freedom co-exist.

Peter Abelaird:

• It was the intention to cross and not the crossing itself that is important.

Paula Abdul:

• The chicken was lost in a dream and did not know which way to go.

Abraham:

• And G-d appeared to me and said, Abraham, Abraham, take the chicken, thy only chicken, that thou lovest, and take it across the road...

Ace of Base:

• The chicken saw the sign.

Admiral Ackbar (Star Wars):

• All chickens - prepare to cross the road on my mark.

Fred Van Ackerman:

• He did it for the good of the country.

Bryan Adams:

• The chicken deramed a dream that no one else could see.

Douglas Adams:

• Forty-Two
• There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly why the chicken crossed the road, the Universe instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

John Adams:

• The crossing of the road is so bold, so daring, so firm intrepid and inflexible and it must have so important consequences, and so lasting, that I can't but consider it an epoch in history.

Morticia Addams:

• He looks so sweet. Looks just like a little entree.

Alfred Adler:

• The feeling of inferiority rules the mental life of the chicken. Crossing the road is an expression of her will to power and a rejection of passivity.

Aerosmith:

• The chicken doesn't want to miss a thing.

Aesop:

• The grass is always greener on the other side of the road.
• The Rooster and the Jewel: A rooster, scratching for food for himself and his hens, found a precious stone and exclaimed: "If your owner had found you, and not I, he would have taken you up, and have set you in your first estate; but I have found you for no purpose. I would rather have one barleycorn than all the jewels in the world."   And so he crossed the road hoping that there is food there.
• The chicken and its dog: A chicken about to set out on a journey saw its dog stand at the door stretching himself. The chicken asked him sharply: "Why do you stand there gaping? Everything is ready but you, so come with me instantly." The dog, wagging his tail, replied: "O, master! I am quite ready; it is you for whom I am waiting."
  
  (The loiterer often blames delay on his more active friend.)
• The dog and the chicken: A hound having started a chicken on the hillside pursued her across the road, at one time biting her with his teeth as if he would take her life, and at another fawning upon her, as if in play with another dog. The chicken said to him, "I wish you would act sincerely by me, and show yourself in your true colors. If you are a friend, why do you bite me so hard? If an enemy, why do you fawn on me?'
  
  (No one can be a friend if you know not whether to trust or distrust him.)
• The chickens and the lions: The chicken gave a speech at the assembly of animals, and argued that all should be equal in crossing the road. The lions made this reply: "Your words, oh chicken, are good; but they lack both claws and teeth such as we have."

Agesilaus:

• It is circumstance and proper timing that give crossing the road its character and make it either good or bad.

Anonymous Aggie:

• To demonstrate to the armadillo that it COULD be done!

Yediot Aharonot:

• Chicken Run Over By Mack Truck!!! Graphic photos, pages 1,2,3,4 and 5; The Sex Life Of The Chicken, pages 6 & 7; other news, pages 8 & 9.

Albert the Great:

• He crossed of his own free will after observing the alignment of the heavenly bodies which told him it was opportune to do so.

Marv Albert:

• Well, actually he was cross dressing.

Louisa May Alcott:

• Far away  and across the road there in the sunshine are the chicken's highest aspirations. She may not reach them, but she can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.

Sholom Aleichem:

• On one side of the road which lead through the town of Chelm there stood a chicken...

Garth Algar (Wayne's World):

• Did you ever see that Twilight Zone where the chicken crossed the road and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar and it wouldn't die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues? Pretty cool huh?

Dante Alighieri:

• For liberty. What is liberty but the unhampered translation of will into act?

Alka Seltzer:

• Try crossing, you'll like it.

Woody Allen:

• The chicken wanted sex.
• The chicken's religion prohibits the crossing.
• For $8 1/2 I could even have sex with that chicken.
• I mean, it was, it was... a chicken... of legal consenting age. It wasn't like it was my REAL daughter or anything. The heart wants what it wants. (And don't believe anything that Mia says about me.)
• There is a cultural advantage to crossing the road.
• I'm astounded by people who want to know why the chicken crossed the road when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Gordon Allport:

• It is an intergration of environmental influences with its own inner potentiality and spontaneous dynamisms.

Shulamit Aloni:

• I'll eat as many chickens as I like on Yom Kippur, it's nothing to do with the Haredim what I do in my home...

American Express:

• She wouldn't leave home without us.

Idi Amin:

• A hundred chicken heads will fall for this dastardly act.

Andre Ampere:

• To keep up with current events.

Andersen Consultant:

• Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Business Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.
  
  Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) B.C. helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
  
  Business Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with B.C. consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.
  
  The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.
  
  Business Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Mother Angelica:

• Honey, Chickens just can't cross roads.

Marie Antoinette:

• I told them to eat cake. They had to find it.

Earnest Angsley:

• To be HAYELED! in the name o'Jayeeezus!

Saint Anselm:

• Only by crossing the road and thereby reflecting the devine reason and will can the chicken realize the truth and rightness of chickenly existance.

Marcus Antonius:

• The evil that chickens do lives after them, the good is oft interred with their bones.

Any Calculus Professor:

• The road, if expressed in the form (y2-y1)/(x2-x1) is approximate for cases where lim(y2-y1)/(x2-x1) as (x2-x1) -> 0, is represented by the derivative, or rate of change, of the road with respect to the chicken, such that the value of the chicken may be assumed equal to the value of (y2-y1)/(x2-x1), for small values of roads.

Any Late Evening News Anchor:

• The chicken crosses the road. Film at 11:00.
• Stay tuned as we present this historical event.

Any Philosophy 101 Professor:

• Why not?

Arabic saying:

• A wide road brings out faults in the crossing.

Archimedes:

• She was buoyant and excited at the thought of new adventures.

Aricenna:

• Crossing the road is a necessary attribute of a chicken's essential nature.

Aristotle:

• To actualize its potential.
• It is the essense of chickens to cross the road.

Leonard Armato:

• Looks like we'll have to come up with something to replace our latest MTV project, "Chicks Cooped Up."

Jacobus Arminius:

• By God's grace, salvation depends upon the cooperation of the chicken's will as by crossing he becomes sufficiently strong to overcome the temptations of evil.

Neil Armstrong:

• One small step for chickenkind, one giant leap for poultry.
• It was one big step for poultry.

King Arthur of the Britons:

• What do you mean? African or European chickens?

Isaac Asimov:

• The third law of Chickens states that a chicken must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not injure a human being or disobey an order of a human being.
• The chicken obeyed the three laws that govern all robots.
• The chicken was a robot and merely wanted to protect humans.

Paul Atreidies:

• What name have you for the chicken shaped stain upon your road? That shall be the name that you shall call me!

Saint Augustine:

• It reflects the presence of the divine reason.

Augustus:

• The chicken who has doubts about the crossing will be afraid to cross the road.

Jane Austen:

• Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single chicken, being possessed of a good fortune and presented with a good road, must be desirous of crossing.
• For what does a chicken live but to make sport for its neighbors, and to laugh at them in its turn.

Pirkei Avot:

• Moses heard the answer at Sinai and transmitted it to Joshua...

Dan Aykroyd:

• Stay here on the outer limits of the dead end zone? Nothing personal, but life at the end of the road just ain't for Captain Vic and his chicken. Sorry folks, but you can color us gone.

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