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Chickegg.wmf (9610 bytes)

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do chickens cross roads?
The most comprehensive listing on the Web (or so it should be).

Carl Sagan:

To see the billions and billions of stars.

Catherine Sakai (Babylon 5):

Wow, Jeff... I thought you were into ducks!

Colonel Harlan Sanders:

I missed one?
It Ran, Suh! I offered it a coating of 11 herbs and spices and it ran, Suh! So I shot it, Suh, shot it while it was trying to escape, suh!
It wasn't one of our chickens. Now KFC delivers!

Sappho:

For the touch of your skin, the sweetness of your lips...

Sarek (Star Trek):

Sometimes my logic fails me where chickens are concerned.

Jean-Paul Sartre:

In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Schrodinger:

Chicken? Chicken!? Where's my cat?

Arnold Schwarzenegger:

It was going back...

Mr. Scott (Star Trek):

'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain, wi' no dilithium crystals left to speak of!
Because she couldna take much morrrrrre.

Agent Scully:

There simply must be a rational, scientific explanation. Chickens don't just "cross roads."

Neddy Seagoon:

WhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatWHAT?

Jerry Seinfeld:

Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

Dr. Seuss:

Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed it, I've not been told!
And for this Dr. Suess epic, special thanks to Chris Cracknell (ad329@freenet.hamilton.on.ca)

Would you, could you cross the street
On your two small chicken feet?

I would not, could not cross the street
On my two small chicken feet.
Across the road I will not scram
Even though a fowl I am.

Would you cross it in Japan
To flee Godzilla and Rodan

Not in Japan
Godzilla and Rodan
I would not, could not cross the street
On my two small chicken feet.
Across the road I will not scram
Even though a fowl I am.

Would you cross the road and cluck
And jump to avoid the speeding truck?

Not with a cluck
to avoid a truck
Not in Japan
Godzilla and Rodan
I would not, could not cross the street
On my two small chicken feet
Across the road I will not scram
Even though a fowl I am.

Would you hop across the road
As though you were a garden toad?

Not across the road
as though a toad
Not with a cluck
to avoid a truck
Not in Japan
Godzilla and Rodan
I would not could not cross the street
On my two small chicken feet.
Across the road I will not scram
Even though a fowl I am.

Would you cross it in the night
Lit by passing car headlight?

Not in the night
With car headlight
Not across the road
As though a toad
Not with a cluck
To avoid a truck
Not in Japan
Godzilla and Rodan
I would not could not cross the street
On my two small chicken feet.
Across the road I will not scram
Even though a fowl I am.

Please dear chicken give it a try
For across the road you can not fly.

Alright! Alright! I'll give it a try
For it is true, chickens can't fly.
Hey! It's not bad, infact it's neat!
I truly love to cross the street.
Across the road I LOVE to scram.
I cross the road, a fowl I am.

William Shakespeare:

This is the road of chicken's discontent,
Made ignoble abbatoir by this half-ton truck... (Richard II)
Bring me no more reports, let them fly all;
'Til a chicken remove to other side of road
I cannot taint with fear. What is this chicken?
Was he not born of hen? The spirits that know
All fowl consequences have pronounced me thus:
"Fear not, MacNugget; no chicken that's born of hen
Shall e'er lay beak upon thee." (Macbeth)
If it were done, when 'tis done, then 'twere well
It were done quickly: if the crossing
Could scoot across the dotted line, and catch,
Beyond passing car, sidewalk; that but these feathers
Might be the be-all and end-all here,
But here, at this corner of street and avenue,
We'd cross at the light to come. (Macbeth)
To cross, or not to cross? That is the question,
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The wheels and axles of the city's mass transit
Or to take flight against a sea of motorists
And by opposing, end me? To cross, to peep
No more! And by that peep to say we end
The chickhood and the thousand fender-shocks
That chicken is heir to. 'Tis a perambulation
Devoutly to be wish'd. (Hamlet)

John Sheridan (Babylon 5):

The last time a chicken crossed the road, I blew it straight to hell!

Bart Simpson:

It's outta here, man!

Homer Simpson:

ohhhhhhhh Chicken.....

O.J. Simpson:

It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Jeff Sinclair (Babylon 5):

Watch out for chickens... they cross the road when you're not looking at them.

Gene Siskel (Star Wars):

...and so I give "Chicken Wars" a strong feather up!
Roger Ebert (Star Wars): Gene, I couldn't disagree more strongly...

Sisko (Star Trek):

I don't care -why- it was crossing the road! All I want to know is -why- it left the coop! So it wanted to "get to the other side"--there is only -so far- that my tolerance will go!
It was seeking deeper meaning. Jake, do you see what we've learned from all this?

Jake Sisko (Star Trek):

To check out the babe that just came off that transport!

Sisyphus:

Was it pushing a rock, too?

B.F. Skinner:

Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Luke Skywalker (Star Wars):

Crossing the road is one thing, this is.... totally different.
But Uncle Owen, Biggs got to go to the Academy, so did that chicken!
You chickens sure have a lot of rubber scoring... you must have seen a lot of road action!
But how am I to know to the Good Side of the Road from the Bad?

Mrs. Slocum:

Now look what you've done, there's chicken all over my pussy!

E.E. (Doc) Smith:

Your humble narrator can barely do justice to this climactic event that rent asunder the fundamental ether of space itself, as the chicken, embodying all that is good and hard and straight and keen in the Avain world, fearlessly approached, bridged, and conquered the road for Civilization.

Socrates:

To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

Han Solo:

Hurry up, Colonel Sanders, or you're gonna be a permanent resident!
Crossing roads aint like dustin' crops, chicken! There's lot of precise calculations. You could walk right into a Starrion, bounce to close to a Chevy Nova, and that would end your trip real fast.

Dr. Soran (Star Trek):

His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.)

The Sphinx:

You tell me.

Mr. Spock (Star Trek):

It was not logical for the chicken to do so, but I have frequently observed that the behaviour of chickens is not logical.
Fasincating, Captain, it seems driven by a beam of pure energy.
It seemed like the logical thing to do at the time.

Joseph Stalin:

I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.
It was clearly a conspiracy. Take all the chickens out and shoot them. At Once!

Kenneth Starr:

In view of President Clinton's dealings with the Tyson Poultry Company, the matter of the chicken crossing the road is under investigation for its possible connection with the Whitewater affair.

John Steinbeck:

The road baked in the relentless summer sun as the chicken, looking about, began to cross. It stopped occaisionally to peck at a grass seed that had become lodged in a crevice in the cracked macadam. The chicken reached the other side, then began making his way to the Salinas, which lay muddy and turgid in the July afternoon, all the while thinking of the cool shade by the river and how good the can of beans in his bedroll would taste tonight.

George Steinbrenner:

Because I offered him a $4 million contract.
Because I fired him!
Because he's now my new manager.
Because I fired him again!

Ben Stone (Law and Order):

Because the defendant made it, sir.

Oliver Stone:

The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
He went back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the...

Stormtrooper (Star Wars):

We don't need to see his feathers... He's not the chicken we're looking for... He can go about his road-crossing... Move along... Move along...

Dr. Strangelove:

Because it could not afford to be caught on the wrong side of the road-side gap.

Streibs (Babylon 5):

"We were about to dissect the chicken to discover the answer, but a giant rooster appeared out of nowhere and pecked our ship to pieces..."

Sulu (Star Trek):

To get back to San Franciso; it was born there.
Don't call me Tiny!

John Sununu:

The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

 

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