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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do chickens cross roads?
The most comprehensive listing on the Web (or so it should be).

Thomas Paine:

Out of common sense.

Michael Palin:

Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!

Paris (Star Trek):

Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.

Dorothy Parker:

Travel, trouble, music, art A kiss, a frock, a rhyme The chicken never said they fed its heart But still they pass its time.

Patsy:

Oh, F*&% the chicken. Run it over and lets have a drink.

Gen. George S. Patton:

	To get those yellow bellied chickens outta here.
	The way to win a war is not to cross a road for your country. The way to win a war is to make some OTHER poor chicken cross a road for HIS COUNTRY!

Wolfgang Pauli:

There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.

Frank Perdue:

	How the heck do I know? Do I look like a chicken to you -- don't answer that.
	I breed the finest chicken I know how, and it crosses the road as part of a vigorous fitness program to raise the leanest, plumpest birds anywhere. Besides, I was chasing it with this axe at the time.

Marlin Perkins, on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom:

Watch, as the chicken mauls Jim yet again...

H. Ross Perot:

	I'm crossing. I'm not crossing....
	Crossing the road is that chickens primary concern! PRIMARY concern!
	Chickens and roads, I'll tell ya what it means! It means 4 trillion dollars of dafficit, it means the end of our infrastructure, it means... look at this chart!
	Let me tell ya, it's all about NAFTA. This chicken represents your job, and this road represents the Mexican border...
	No, no, it's not about me, Larry. It's about the chicken.

Jean-Luc Picard:

	To see what's out there.
	Because it's shields were down and it had no other options left...
	The chicken heard the singular voice of the collective.
	Dammit, that's not for us to answer! It's his fundamental right as a sentient being to determine the time and manner by which he travels towards his goals!
	There are four lights!

Admiral Piett (Star Wars):

Hold here. We only have to keep the chicken from crossing. I have my orders from the Emporer himself. He has a special barbeque planned.

Piglet:

Because ch-ch-chickens are such very s-s-s-small animals.

Sylvia Plath:

	Dying is an art, like everything else.  The chicken did it exceptionally well.  It did it so it felt like hell.
	I guess you could say the chicken had a call.

Plato:

For the greater good.

Li Po:

When you ask why I dwell here docile among the far green hills, I laugh in my heart. My heart is happy. The peach-blossom watches the chicken running across the road but remains content. There is a better heaven and earth than the busy world of chickens.

Edgar Allan Poe:

	Quoth the chicken,"Nevermore!"
	For a cask of Amontillado.

Politician:

Don't blame the chicken! Society is to blame. The chicken did cross the road, but he or she was merely a victim of this racist, bigoted, sexist society. We are all to blame, for failing to provide... [blah, blah, blah -- ad nauseam]

The Pope:

That is only for God to know.

Emily Post:

When a chicken is confronted with a road, it is only proper for the chicken to stand erect, turn to face the road, look both ways and cross... remembering to send a sincere thank you letter within one month of the event.

Elvis Presley:

You aint nothin' but a chicken, crossin' all the roads!

Psalms:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no road!

Pyrrho the Skeptic:

What road?

Monty Python:

	For Something Completely Different
	And God ascended from the heavens, and sayeth unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. Yaaay.
	The Larch.