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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do chickens cross roads?
The most comprehensive listing on the Web (or so it should be).

Gandalf:

O chicken, do not meddle in the affairs of roads, for you are tasty and good with barbecue sauce.

Mahatma Gandhi:

	Truth never damages a chicken that is just.
	The chicken has nothing new to teach the world. Truth and Non-violence are as old as the hills. All the chicken has done is to try experiments on both sides of the road on as vast a scale as it could.
	Morality is contraband in crossing the road.

Garak (Star Trek):

To get to the other side? Of course not! Do you realize how ridiculous that is? I'm sure it was a simple matter of its farmer expelling it from the coop for... embezzling eggs.

Michael Garibaldi (Babylon 5):

The chicken in the middle of the road is looking for you.

Bill Gates:

	I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook.
	I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.
	For the money.
	We own the road. We own the chicken. It's none of your damn business.

Geordi (Star Trek):

Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll be there in an hour or two--but any later, and it'll be absolutely impossible for it to make it.

Frank Bunker Gilbereth:

To minimize its therbligs.

Gilligan:

The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost, the chicken would be lost.

Jim Gillis:

The chicken crossed the road to show the gophers it could be done.

Newt Gingrich:

	To get to the RIGHT side of the road.
	The chicken had to cross the road, because, bogged down by the incredible debt burden, it was no longer able to fly.
	It was safety pinned to one of those damn punk rockers!

Allen Ginsberg:

	The chicken got busted in its pubic feathers returning through Laredo with a belt of marijuana for New York.
	It went out whoring through Colorado in myriad stolen nightcars.
	How many flies buzzed round you innocent of your grime, while you cursed the heavens of the road and your flower soul?

G'Kar (Babylon 5):

"Weep for the chicken, Na'Toth. Weep for us all."

Ira Glasser (ACLU):

The chicken maintains an absolute privacy interest in information as to whether or why he or she may have perambulated the thoroughfare.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe:

The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Al Gore

Waiting for completion of NCI (Nation Chicken-crossing Infrastructure) and will cross as soon as it's finished, assuming he's re-elected and the Republicans don't gut the program.

Stephen Jay Gould:

It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

Sir Charles Grandiose:

As surely as the golden hairs turn to silver, as surely as the sands drift silently through the slender neck of the hourglass, the last sunny days of summer flee soundlessly under autumn's chilly embrace. And with those last days of that warmest and most joyful of seasons, left the road's edge the sprightliest young chicken ever a Baronet did see

Grandpa:

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Greedo (Star Wars):

You were a good chicken once; now you're Buick fodder!

Hercules Gryptyppe-Thynne, (All-around Public-School Cad):

That's not a chicken! It's a clever disguise, inside of which is Count Jim "Thighs" Moriarity.....

Gary Gygax:

Because I rolled a 64 on the "Chicken Random Behaviors" chart on page 497 of the Dungeon Master's Guide.